Tonight, I am going to GriefShare. It's a group of people that have all experienced loss that gather once a week, watch a session video and then discuss and share. Some have lost a parent, a child, a sibling, or a spouse like me. I'm not 100% sure if I am ready for this but I know that how I am handling things now is not working well. I'm not making any prejudgments or expectations on this. These days, my prayers, if you can call them that, are more of a tirade than an act of worship, which is very different for me. I'm still a believer, as I have been since I was 25 years old. That won't ever change. However, right now I am a damaged believer that still doesn't understand how this could have played out like it did.
While researching GriefShare, I found that they meet at various locations, but none in Pell City. So I looked for locations that I could drive to in the evening after work. The closest was in Moody but it was during the middle of the day... nope. The next closest was on Wednesdays from 6:00 to 7:30 pm, and oddly enough... it's at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Trussville. (Touchè, God!) For those that don't know, Ridgecrest, when it was in Huffman, was where Kristi and I both went to church in the same youth group. It's where we dated, and eventually where we were married. So the building and location are different but the name and history are the same. Yeah, this just might make it even harder. I am not afraid of going into the church, even though I haven't been back in one since her funeral... it's just a building. I'm not afraid of running into people we may have known that still go there. It's all about the emotions. Really, it's all in my head and heart. But I am going tonight and I may or may not give an update on how it went. It may take a few sessions before I am ready to talk about what it's doing for me. I just know that I don't like who I am right now and I know for certain that Kristi would not like who I am. For her, for my children, and for me, I need to get much better, and less bitter.
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