Car buying

Kristi refused to go car shopping with me in the latter years of our marriage. 

I learned from my dad how to buy, or rather not buy a car. He refused to pay too much or not get enough for his trade-in. He said, "You've got to be able to walk away from the table if the deal is not what you want. Remember, you don't need to buy a car... they need to sell one." He gave me other helpful tips like not showing too much interest in the car or truck, even though it may be exactly what I want, and that a little time of driving around to multiple dealerships over the course of a few weeks could get me the best deal on what I want to buy, because then you have leverage during the process of saying, "Well Jim Skinner Ford has this deal beat so I'll just go back over there." Never set out to buy the car on day 1 of shopping. Showing too much interest, or getting excited over the vehicle lets the salesperson know they've got you on the hook, now they just need to reel you in. It's a chess match and I loved the game. 

Kristi and I went thru many car buying experiences and she did not love the chess match I would play. Our pre-game went like this:

Me: ok, it's just a car. It's not a life-altering thing.

Her: I know.

Me: No getting excited. Just be calm, don't smile, and don't ask about the salesperson's family this time. They will lie and give you a sad story making you feel like you have to buy this car today so their kids can eat this week.

Her: I know.

Me: Seriously, don't get excited over the extras on the dash or heated seats or sunroof or anything that doesn't get you from point A to point B. We are looking to buy a car, not a vacation home.

Her: I... know.

Me: ...and if I'm not happy with the deal, we are out of here. When I stand up to leave, you have to leave with me. Don't keep sitting there hoping I'll come back. I won't.

Her: (just giving me a look of anger and letting me know to shut up now)

Me: ok good, let's go shop. 

We usually did well with our purchases, with a few exceptions. She did get excited a few times and I knew if I stood up to leave and left the car there that she just fell in love with, that it was going to be a long, lonely night for me. And telling her not to ask about the salesperson's family was truly mission impossible. If pictures were on the desk, she was going to ask about them. We were so different like that. I had a "don't know, don't care" attitude and she had a "I want to know everything, and if I ever run into you again, I'm going to remember your family's names and something about them" attitude. 

The last several car buying experiences at a dealership was just me, except for when we got her Subaru. We had always bought with my credit and rarely had her as a second borrower. She signed on our houses but that was only two at the time, plus a couple of credit cards that we had paid off a few years before. I began to get concerned that if something were to happen to me, that she would have a hard time financially because her score was "good" but her active accounts were few and far between. So the Subaru was going to be all hers and I would be a second signer only if needed, but mine wasn't needed and it was all hers. 

We got the pre-approval at the credit union and went shopping. She knew how much she was approved for so that's what she shopped for. She did great. She loved that first Subaru we test drove and she let the salesman know she loved it. I was cringing. It had all the extras on the inside that she wanted, and while she's in the car playing with it all, I'm asking the salesman about the engine, maintence, warranty, trade-in value, down payment, etc. She looked at me from inside the car thru the front windshield as I'm standing in front of the car with the salesman and I stopped our conversation mid-sentence and asked her, "Is this what you want?" She just gave me that smile that could launch a thousand ships, and I said to the salesman, "it's just you and her now. She wants it." I was now the quiet by-stander waiting for her to wrap up the deal. She was so proud of that car, and herself, as was I.

Why did I write this story this morning? Because I dreamed about her last night... her buying that subaru and seeing her so happy. We had so many unnecessary arguments and ill-feelings over buying cars throughout the years and although I enjoyed the chess match with the salesperson, it chipped away at our relationship a little at a time, never even close to the point of demise, but some disappointment was there if she wanted it and I said no because it wasn't the right deal for us. I could have tried harder at compromise when it came to car buying with her. I'm not dwelling on it now, as it's in the past, but it could help my kids in the future with what not to do. Mistakes are just mistakes if we never learn from them.