The Voice of Truth.
Kristi and I had our songs. The ones that meant something special to us from a period of time, or an event like a special date. Like U2's "Mysterious Ways" for instance - we went to see U2 in concert at Legion Field and it was great but during that song, a mist of rain started and you could see it in the colored lighting from the stage and it was just romantic and memorable. Or "Lovesong" by The Cure where the chorus says,
"However far away, I will always love you. How long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you, I will always love you."
We used to tell the kids they were probably conceived to that song. :) For some reason they hate The Cure. Really, we were great parents. Then there was "Nothing compares 2 u" by Sinead O'Connor. "Still the One", and the old one by Bread, "Everything I Own"... oh, those lyrics!
"The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
And I would give anything I own
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again."
That is going to be one that will play in my mind for a long time to come. But that's enough of the secular love songs.
"Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns was her song. At Hilldale Baptist, she was always the one selected to sing the solo for that particular song when it was going to be part of the special music selection. It was probably done 5 or 6 times, or maybe more, in the years we were there. Jan Freeman or George Weeks would ask her to sing it. For some reason, she always struggled with the bridge. She would practice it in the house and in the car the whole week leading up to Sunday morning. Either it was hitting the last note or fitting all the words in, but the bridge was tough to get right for anyone. She and Jan would sit at the piano and go over it several times before the service. She wanted to get it right. And every time when it counted, she nailed it. She worried herself for nothing. It was just one of those things the enemy would plant in her mind to make her think she wasn't good enough to sing it, which is exactly what that song is about! She was plenty good enough. She was great! But the point of this is not her personal struggle singing it, but rather what she was singing:
"But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth"
https://youtu.be/2d81w8I7EjA
My struggle with her cancer has always been the "do not be afraid" and "this is for my glory" parts. I have needed more than this to justify her getting this disease. I don't put the words cancer and glory the same sentence... well actually I just did. But you know what I mean. I don't see how one leads to the other. I'm not sure when I will see how that works itself out but I hope that I do, because it cultivates animosity and anger in my heart now, and that's not a good place to be. Over time, I'm sure it will be made clear to me and I will have a season of regret for my unwillingness to trust this part of God's plan for Kristi. It will happen, it always does. I just want it quicker.
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