Brass Monkey
Yeah, it's not a great, wholesome song by the Beastie Boys, but really they didn't have any wholesome songs, but it was one of Kristi's favorites. She knew none of the words except the chorus and she knew it was about an alcoholic drink. But what she loved about it was none of that - it was the beat, the bass, and she loved dancing to it. Mostly she loved the reaction from her kids when it would come on and the volume was maxed out. Speakers not made for that bass would just rattle as if they had separated from the vibration, and I'm sure she messed up a few speakers over the years playing that song, but it was her thing, and we all knew it. Our kids maybe thought it was cool at first, maybe... but then the reactions were "oh no! Not that song again!" or "Turn it down! People are looking!" or the classic "Mom!" said in 2 whiney syllables, and that made her dance harder and sing louder! It was funny and I loved it.
She loved to have fun and get a reaction from anyone and everyone. She wanted you to have fun with her. I'm reserved, quiet and cringe at the thought of being the center of attention. On occassion, if I'm feeling a little comfortable with the people around us, I will make sarcastic remarks from the back of the room or make faces to explain what's in my head and most people get my non-verbal communications. We complimented each other, just like the first line from my poem to her said, "I was shy, you were loud," and that worked for us. Oh, I miss that. Truly, my better half is gone.
Tonight I went to Sam's in Oxford to get some stuff we needed. We always went together, always. It was miserable. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. She made shopping for bulk items fun. That's not fun for me, but she made it fun. She made everything fun. I'm missing fun. I'm missing her. Oddly enough one of the hardest things I'm dealing with is not saying, calling or texting, "hey, I'm going to ________. Need anything?" It was never a permission thing, but a respect thing. We always knew where each other was, at all times. It was a mutual respect between us so that the other would not have to worry. And now... I just leave. I don't tell, ask or anything. It's so weird and hard to get used to.
Anyway, I'm in search of a brass monkey now. Not the drink, but a monkey figurine made of brass. I found some on ebay but they are in China and will take a while to get here. I may get it anyway. I want it because it will be a reminder to me to try to have fun like she always did. No matter where, who, or what the occassion, she always found a way to laugh and enjoy herself. That's my goal going forward. And yes, I listened to brass monkey on the way home, at max volume.
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